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July 8, 2008
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"And you are...?"  The woman asked, slowly rising from a nap on the couch with a sleepy eye on the man thrown from a portal, which, inconveniently enough, decided it would be a great idea to show up unannounced in her living room.

"I," the entity proclaimed, "Am the most powerful being in the universe.  I was born of dragon-wolf-demon-sayan parents and have trained under the most powerful warriors in all of Pin.  I have killed both scientists and hunters without discretion, and even many a mighty Mongol has fallen to my hand.  I have bested even the greatest of the Gods of Chaos by merely willing it so.  For his crimes, I forcibly removed the evil Hitler's head from his body with the greatest of ease.  And when I had been compensated handsomely for my contribution to the betterment of mankind, I beat my benefactor to death with the dictator's disembodied head.  None can escape my wrath, save for those with power over power-cancelling traps and flimsy aluminum bird cages.  But, aside from those few, Good and Evil alike fear my generic beam-attack."

He pulled a poorly-made sword from his equally poorly-made hilt.  "I have no name, but over the years, I have been called various generic-badass sounding monikers, quite fitting of my nature.  You may call me Christian Humber."  He turned the point to the woman's throat.  "And who might you be, my next victim?"

"I thought you didn't have a name," she answered, scratching her leg.

"Aggravate me not, vile wench!"  The poorly welded blade slid closer to her skin.

"Plus, Christian Humber doesn't sound like a very badass name, if you ask me."  Her hand slipped under the taut metal to the table, picking up a fan.

"For your insolence, you shall be stricken down!  No mercy will be shown to the likes of you!"  He raised the sword over his head, ready to cleave her in two in the case that the blade was sturdy enough not to break on contact.

"Isn't that a little boring?"  a patient hand flapped the fan back and forth.  "A sword?  You'd think the most powerful being in the universe would have a much more interesting way of disposing of me."

"Well then, your will be done!  I will spare you the pain of a boring death by giving you the honor of suffering through a fate that can only be bestowed by the greatest of men!"  The man threw the sword aside, breaking it on the dry-wall.  "I shall transform into my Sayin form!"

"What was that you were going to transform into now?"  The woman yawned as she asked.

"Sayin!"

"No, you will now transform into a ball of yarn."  She tossed the fan aside and raised her arms up, a slight moan escaped her lips as she stretched.

The man would've inquired further into this startling development had he not been, in fact, transformed into a ball of yarn.

"Ran!"  The woman called into the hall.  "I got Chen a new toy!  Now bring me something to drink!"

And so it came to pass, the most powerful being in the universe was reduced to a cat's play-thing.
I was reading Krieg's on-going Christian Humber Reviewed. It had to be done.

Also, yes, this is just another lol so randum xD piece. Mindless laughs are easy to produce. Good warm-up and whatnot. Keep the pen from stagnating.

(Touhou Project is the intellectual property of Zun. Christian Humber is the "intellectual" property of Christian Humber.)
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:iconozimul:
Ozimul Featured By Owner May 23, 2010  Student General Artist
This sounds like a Mary-Sue getting what he deserves.
Yay Miss Yakumo!
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010  Professional Writer
This man ate Mary Sue.
Reply
:iconozimul:
Ozimul Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010  Student General Artist
For breakfast, lunch or dinner?
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2010  Professional Writer
I'm guessing lunch. He's not classy enough to be a dinner type.
Reply
:iconkuriko-kaze:
Kuriko-Kaze Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2008
Congratulations, you have with fair accuracy just portrayed Christian Humber's Fantasy Universe.

That of his mind that is...

However, its missing a few things...

Heartless...
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2008  Professional Writer
He's training to kill said heartless :V
Reply
:iconkuriko-kaze:
Kuriko-Kaze Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2008
...No...He got a Keyblade for that...so he says...

^True story...apperently...^
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2008  Professional Writer
I'd rather not read deeper into that...

My sanity's fleeting already as it is.
Reply
:iconkuriko-kaze:
Kuriko-Kaze Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008
There is so much I could say...

your mind would crumble.
Reply
:iconpani-poni-tenshi:
Pani-Poni-Tenshi Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2008
Did Yukari just turn Humber into a ball of yarn?!
Reply
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