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Submitted on
February 19, 2013
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We're all just kids playing a part.  That's what it boils down to.

I'm the kid who gets to play hitman today.  The other kids, they're playing guard.  Hands in their pockets, feeling up their guns.  Makes them feel big.  Calms them down.  A security blanket in a holster.

That's what it boils down to.  Dressing for the part, having the right props.  If you're running around in your street clothes, you're a thug, a hood, a gangster.  You put on a ninety-dollar suit you picked up at Ross, and all the sudden you're a mobster, a wiseguy, paisano.

You're still just playing Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, Thugs and Mafiosi.

Rule of three.  Say it enough times, and you'll convince yourself of it.

Look at yourself in the mirror, jacket and tie and shoulder holster.  Tell yourself, "I'm a badass."  Wash, rinse, repeat until it sticks.  Get into character and stand around, chest puffed out, one hand on your gun, one on your cock.

Repeat the lines you learned watching other people pretend to be thugs.  "Whachu lookin' at? Whadda I look like, annasshole?  Gedouttahere."

But when it comes down to it, you have no fucking idea what you're doing.  And to be fair, I don't either.  The only thing that I have apart is that I recognize that.  So pat me down, frisk me, run your hands all over me.  I don't carry a gun because I don't need one.  Because I wouldn't know what to do with it if I had one.

What it all boils down to is when you box yourself into that role you imagine, you stick yourself with its limitations.  You confine yourself to your gun and your suit.  You confine yourself to that role, that archetype, that little script you wrote in your head based on what you imagine thug life to be like.

You don't think twice when we make small talk about the coffee mug on your desk.  I used to work at a coffee bar, you know.  Don't mind if I take a swig of that?

You might be a little perturbed about the way I hold it, sure.  Who holds a mug with one finger over the handle, and one under?  Lets me feel the warmth better, I say, and you forget about it.  Sure, the thought crosses your mind, but you have a gun.  A guy comes at you with a coffee mug?  What do you look like, an asshole?

Thing is, despite all the insane shit the human body is capable of, it's still got its weak points.  If you're caught off guard, I don't care if you're a veteran, if you've climbed Everest, run marathons.  None of that shit matters.  An unexpected coffee mug to the temple is still going to give you a concussion.  A fist to your two front teeth is still going to send them down your throat.  And a paperweight, a stapler, a desk clock all have the same impact when they're coming at your face at eight meters per second.

We're all just kids playing dress up, but this is what I do for a living.  And I can pretend to murder you a lot more efficiently than you can pretend to be a badass.  And that's what it all boils down to.

This is a sketch.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-03-08
Charlie by ~AnonDesu Suggester Writes: A subtle yet powerful piece unfolds here, one that leaves readers wondering what 'side' they're on and seeing anew the descriptive strengths of a great writer. ( Suggested by xlntwtch and Featured by Beccalicious )
TokiTone Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"ninety-dollar suit from Ross."

Hey, I bought a $18 sport jacket at Ross. It's a couple on inches off what what I normally wear, but I did feel smooth.
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Professional Writer
Hahah, hey, if it's a good jacket and a good fit, it doesn't matter where you got it.

It's just harder to find anything decent with a good fit at a discount place more often than not :P
gnbman Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student
Hitmen are always portrayed in films and videogames as efficient, unquestioning machines. Even when they run into trouble, they always immediately find a way out. However, you've got to wonder what kind of effect that lifestyle has on a human mind; I'm glad a good writer like you decided to explore the mind of a professional killer.
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Professional Writer
Hahah, he wasn't a professional until halfway through. I think this was a combination of a lot of ideas I had that I was meaning to do differently - a dude noticing on his first professional hit that the least experienced guys were the ones who would be stroking their guns in their holsters, like just that's enough to protect them, and a local news story about a woman who allegedly bludgeoned her husband to death with a coffee mug.

The two worked together well enough. :P
Indigo-Serenade Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a very interesting piece... it really made me think.
Grats on the DD; it's completely well-deserved! :squee: :heart:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Professional Writer
Hahah, it did?

What's it got you thinking about, if you don't mind me asking?
Indigo-Serenade Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I have to say that it really made me think about the labels we put on people. Like how people see "thugs" as super tough, emotionless and steady people, when in actuality they could be scared and lack confidence. Or how you can see a "loving wife" I noticed the comment above mine XD as harmless or dependable, when really they could be murderers.
I had a program at school recently that studied stereotypes and labels, so that might be why I thought of it. But I think this piece really demonstrates the differences between the expectations and reality of people nowadays.
... If that made sense. *shot*
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Professional Writer
Hahah, nah, that made total sense.

I think it's a case less of one of stereotypes and more like, one of roles. Like the way we cling to role to get us through life, expecting that, since this is your role, these are things you should know, these are things you should be able to do, this is how you should feel about the current situation.

When you think like that, you let your role get the better of you, and you stop thinking of yourself (and others) as people. That kind of, "Oh, I'm here now, I (should) know better" cuts both ways. Either you're overconfident, or under. You know what I'm getting at?

Because I'm totally talking out of my ass too :P
Indigo-Serenade Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I see exactly what you mean! XD
UnsuspectingPonce Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is so boss. Sincerely.

But, uh... "take a swig"* ;p
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