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Having found that most alcohol was just too weak, Yukari took a swig of her canister of jet fuel as she rapped on the door with her parasol.  Twenty seconds and a loud crash or six later, Orin smiled as she opened the door, running a hand through her recently mussed up hair.

“Hello, Miss Sat-oh…Miss Yukari, I mean.” She gave a bow before continuing.  “What brings you over at a time like this?”

“Ran and I were about to head out on some errands and were wondering if you could watch Chen for us,” Yukari answered.  “Jet fuel?”

“No thank you, Miss.  I’m fine as I am.”

“Suit yourself,” Yukari said, emptying the canister and tossing it in the road.  “Come on, Ran, let’s go.”

Ran sighed and handed a bubble-wrapped Chen over.  “No sweets, don’t let her run in the street, don’t let her run in the house, actually, don’t let her run at all, don’t let her climb out the window, don’t let her climb on tables, don’t let her climb on bookcases, don’t let her near sharp objects, don’t let her near blunt objects, don’t let her near stoves or electrical outlets, don’t let her near things that might fall, don’t let her play with anything she might choke on, make sure she gets a nap at three, don’t le-“

“Ran!  Let’s go!”  Yukari called.  The driveway was littered with empty cans of jet fuel.

“Just be careful with her, okay?”

“I will,” Orin smiled again.

The two of them waved as Ran ran to catch up before jumping into a gap.

“Why aren’t you wearing any pants, Miss Orin?” Chen asked.

-

“You’re a very bad wrestler, Miss Orin,” Chen said, helping her clean up.

“Hm?” Rin tossed a cement boot into the closet.  “I don’t really ever wrestle.”

“You were on the bottom the whole time,” Chen smiled.  “Miss Yukari was watching.  Miss Yukari needs a new skirt.  She had to keep fixing it the whole time she was watching.  I think she’s going to the doctor because she was sick and kept turning red and biting her lip.”

“Oh, right,” Rin smiled, straightening the sheets.  “I do sometimes.  Once in a while.  Could you tell Miss Yukari to stop watching?”

“Miss Yukari let me try some of her juice,” Chen smiled.  “It tasted really bad and made me throw up a lot.  Mommy didn’t like that, so Miss Yukari made her clean it up.”

“Really.”

“And then Miss Yukari told Mommy that she had been bad and she started biting her ears and pulling her tails and grabbing her boobs and Mommy said not to do that in front of me and can I play with this?”  She held up an arm cannon.

“Maybe later,” Rin said back, sliding a box under her bed.  “Why don’t you give that to me for now?”

“Sometimes Miss Yukari lets me play with things she brings in from the outside world.  They’re really loud and make really big explosions like fireworks.  And then Miss Reimu comes over and yells at us for a while, so Miss Yukari gives her candy so she’ll go away.  Her candy comes in one of those needles that Dr. Yagokoro gives me shots in.  I don’t like getting shots, so I don’t think I’d like Miss Reimu’s candy,” Chen said, pulling the closet door open.

“Great, Chen, want to do something?” Rin grabbed her and pulled her back.

“Yes!” Chen shouted.

“Like what?”

“Yes!” Chen shouted.

“No, I mean, what do you want to do?”

“Yes!” Chen shouted.

“Mm, do you want to make burgers?” Rin ventured.

“Yes!” Chen shouted.

-

“Alright,” Rin said, running Chen through Gensokyo in her wheelbarrow.  “The first thing we need to do is go shopping for ingredients.  Got that?”

“Whee!” Chen shouted, standing up.

“Don’t stand up, Chen, you’ll fall out,” Rin said, doing nothing to stop her.  “See, the best meat come from the best corpses.  You need fresh ones, not ones who’ve been in the ground for a few days.”

“Whee!” Chen shouted, standing up.

“I told you to sit down, Chen.  If you fall out, you’ll hurt yourself,” Rin said, doing nothing to stop her.  “First, we’ll stop by and see if anybody has any left overs, alright?  Do you know the way there, Chen?”

“Whee!” Chen shouted, falling out.

-

“Hiiiiiiiiii,” Rin smiled, “I’m teaching Chen how to cook burgers.”

“Miss Yukari likes burgers,” Chen said from behind her, holding an ice-pack on her head.

“You wouldn’t have any corpses left over, would you?”

The door slammed.

-

“Hiiiiiiiiii,” Rin smiled, “I’m teaching Chen how to cook burgers.”

“Miss Yukari likes burgers,” Chen said from behind her, holding an ice-pack on her head.

“You wouldn’t have any corpses left over, would you?”

The door slammed.

-

“Hiiiiiiiiii,” Rin smiled, “I’m teaching Chen how to cook burgers.”

“Miss Yukari likes burgers,” Chen said from behind her, holding an ice-pack on her head.

“You wouldn’t have any corpses left over, would you?”

The door slammed.

-

“Hiiiiiiiiii,” Rin smiled, “I’m teaching Chen how to cook burgers.”

“Miss Yukari likes burgers,” Chen said from behind her, holding an ice-pack on her head.

“You wouldn’t have any corpses left over, would you?”

The door slammed.

-

“Alright,” Orin smiled, pushing Chen around in her wheelbarrow.  “That idea didn’t work out so well.  Do you know where we can find some corpses?”

“Miss Reimu has a lot of corpses.  Whenever there are people on her lawn, she hits them on the head with a pipe to make them.  And sometimes she hits people who aren’t on her lawn.  She tried to hit me, one time.  It was fun except for the part when she hit me.”

“Well, in that case,” Rin said, turning the wheelbarrow around,”To Reimu’s it is.”

“Whee!” Chen shouted, standing up.

-

“Hiiiiiiiiii,” Rin smiled, “I’m teaching Chen how to cook burgers.”

“Miss Yukari likes burgers,” Chen said from behind her, holding an ice-pack on her head.

“You wouldn’t have any corpses left over, would you?”

“I have a couple dozen in the basement,” Reimu said.

Orin and Chen smiled.  Reimu stared back at them.

“So,” Rin smiled, “Could we have some?”

“Nope,” Reimu answered, pulling out her lead pipe.

“Whee!” Chen shouted, standing up.

-

“Alright, so that was a bad idea too,” Rin said, refilling Chen’s ice pack.

“Do you think we won’t be able to make burgers?” Chen asked.  “Miss Yukari doesn’t like it when she doesn’t get to do what she wants to.  Sometimes she- Hiiii!  My name is Chen!  Who are you?”

“Hm?” the girl passing by paused.  “I’m Nazrin, nice to meet you.  You haven’t seen any water around here, have you?”

“Nope,” Chen smiled.  “Have you seen any corpses?”

“No,” Nazrin smiled.  “I haven’t.”

“I have,” Rin smiled back.

-

“That was a good idea!” Chen smiled as she ate her burger.  “Miss Yukari likes good ideas.  When she gets them, Mommy yells at her a lot because they aren’t really that good.  But then Miss Yukari takes her into the other room and then a few hours later, Mommy agrees.  And then Miss Reimu comes by to yell at Miss Yukari, so she has to get her more candy.”

“Mmhmm,” Rin smiled.  “And what else does Miss Yukari like?”

They left the grill on.
I haven't written anything to up in a while, so I decided to finish this piece. It kinda sucks :\ Really dialogue based, too, so. Would probably work better as a comic or something. Should get back to writing real stuff to up.

Touhou and all affiliated characters, concepts, and locations are intellectual property of Zun, etc etc.
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:iconendsky:
Endsky Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist Filmographer
I kept laughing xD
'tis very good <3
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well, I'm glad I could get you to laugh :3
Reply
:iconbadgerflight:
badgerflight Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
XDXD Chen is so innocent!
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'd be worried if she wasn't :V
Reply
:iconbadgerflight:
badgerflight Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Same, same. :3
Reply
:iconpywackett-barchetta:
Pywackett-Barchetta Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010
Somehow, Yukari drinking actual jet fuel, as in fuel for jets, seems hilariously plausible.
Y'know, considering she does whatever the hell she wants.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
She's wild!
Reply
:iconmatanui3:
Matanui3 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010
WAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!!!
TO MUCH SILLY! MY HEAD ASPLODE AND FELL ON THE SHIFT KEYY!!!!!!
:iconchenplz:
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
You might want to get that checked out. It might be something serious.
Reply
:iconnaturesrose:
NaturesRose Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I wanna try Reimu's candy :dummy: !!
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Meet me behind the liquor store.
Reply
:iconnaturesrose:
NaturesRose Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Okey-dokey~! *Waits behind liquor store*
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
/me flashes his high beams.
Reply
:iconnaturesrose:
NaturesRose Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Ooh, pretty lights 8D .
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
/me wonders if it's down.
Reply
:iconnaturesrose:
NaturesRose Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
What's down?
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
The deal :V
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconflandres-agent:
Flandres-Agent Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2010
Jet fuel?
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Reply
:iconflandres-agent:
Flandres-Agent Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2010
I thought you meant REAL jet fuel. Although I wouldn't call the actual fuel "Jet fuel" because quite simply it's petrol, or some form of it.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
But I did mean real jet fuel.

Because she's Yukari. She can do that.
Reply
:iconflandres-agent:
Flandres-Agent Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2010
True, but I doubt she would actually drink jet fuel, especially inside Hell, or wherever Satori's house is located it.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yukari can do whatever the hell she wants to do.

She's wild!
Reply
:iconflandres-agent:
Flandres-Agent Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2010
Damn straight, and that's why I love her.
Reply
:iconkrazycatqueen:
KrazyCatQueen Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Are there any new kittens running around?

(( Do you know how many times I had to retype 'Any'? I think I have problems. ))
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
If there were, they'd have wings.
Reply
:iconkrazycatqueen:
KrazyCatQueen Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
O mai...
but Okuu and Toyo are going out :< *shot*
Aren't you at work~?
<w<
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:3 Really? That's cute.
Reply
:iconkrazycatqueen:
KrazyCatQueen Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
.... You mean you didn't know when you went to AX? :<
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I didn't know who they were :V
Reply
:iconkrazycatqueen:
KrazyCatQueen Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
But you were with them and Okuu took a picture of you eating which I have and that isn't creepy at all.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Wait what.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconrarn-barn:
RaRn-BaRn Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
Crazy stuff, but entertaining nonetheless. I'm curious to see how this would go as a comic strip if anyone wanted to try it out. I can't draw for crap, so it won't be me. :P
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
It'd be terrifying, and be in a collection of similarly terrifying adventures, for the low low price of $9.95 American. You can buy them off my website. When that gets up and running.
Reply
:iconrarn-barn:
RaRn-BaRn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2009
Haha, I'll be sure to look out for it :D
Reply
:iconmeso-meso:
meso-meso Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
Wonderful. I am suddenly filled with the desire to ask strangers whether they have seen any corpses.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Tell me how that turns out.
Reply
:iconlogos1959:
Logos1959 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
I knew I was in trouble for Utsuho's theme started playing on my headset the moment I started reading.

That... was strangely in character....
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
If only she showed up for more than a cameo...

For some reason, I really like Rin/Utsuho.
Reply
:iconlogos1959:
Logos1959 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2009
Same here for some odd reason o_o;

Man, now I want to fanfic-itize some of the RPs I've done after reading this.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
To it :V
Reply
:iconalekseyevich:
alekseyevich Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
That's so strange it popped outta the scale on the left :o :highfive:

I love your style whenever I can wrap my head around the concepts and feel slightly too stupid the rest of the time :D :D :D
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
It's not your fault, really. I'm sure there's somebody else to blame for this/that.
Reply
:iconalekseyevich:
alekseyevich Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2009
Hmmm... you're probably right. Now that you mention it, I remember the bloke down the street who's always looking at me funnily. He looks like a Nazi. And a gypsy. And a witch. So he's likely behind my overweight and my backache, too.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Hell of an identity crisis that'd cause.
Reply
:iconalekseyevich:
alekseyevich Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2009
Not if you're autoaggressive and masochistic - you can curse, beat and then burn yourself and stay totally in character.
Reply
:iconamat3urnov3lwrit3r:
Amat3urNov3lWrit3r Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
Love the writing style! I hate that huge block paragraph writing.
Reply
:iconanondesu:
AnonDesu Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Ahah. Yeah. Huge blocks aren't so bad as long as they aren't purple, though. But even if they aren't, they do get tiring after a while.
Reply
:iconcoyote27:
Coyote27 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
Tasty, tasty Nazrin...
Reply
:iconshayerahol22:
shayerahol22 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
D'awwww, I think this is adorable. <3

The little kid is great- I think you captured the personality and naivety perfectly~
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